Welcome to this week’s episode of the Screwtape Letters podcast, where we’re delving into the themes of love and marriage in Letters 14 and 15 of CS Lewis’ masterpiece.
Throughout these letters, Lewis reminds us of the importance of love, commitment, and faithfulness in our relationships. He shows us how the pursuit of physical pleasure can lead us away from God and the true purpose of love.
Join us as we dive deep into the wisdom and insights of Letters 14 and 15, and explore their relevance in our modern world. Gil and John will provide their unique perspectives and experiences, helping us to understand the power of love and commitment in our relationships.
So tune in to this episode of the Screwtape Letters podcast, and let’s discover together the importance of seeking true love and commitment in our relationships, and staying true to God’s plan for us.
In any family, marriage, relationship, or organization, words count.Ā They matter.Ā What one says has the same effect as throwing a rock into a pond.Ā The ripples continue.Ā If the family, marital, or organizational system is full of emotional energy, then reactions will be strong and automatic.Ā Many times, those instinctive responses are powerful as they should be because they are biologically linked to ensure safety and survival.Ā If a person encounters a tiger in the jungle, there will be an automatic response of defensiveness (flight) so that one is safe.Ā However, in relationships with conflict, automatic responses are not what is needed because one automatic response can lead to another and then another and before long, a couple is in the middle of a row.
Many marital research gurus have documented why some marriages succeed and some falter.Ā Both the successful and the unsuccessful will have cycles of reactivityāthose automatic instinctive responses that stem from emotional conflict.Ā It doesnāt take long for words to become arrows volleyed between accusations.Ā After a few verbal shots, a violent argument erupts.Ā The difference between the successful and unsuccessful is the successful stop the cycled argumentation sooner before it develops into a loss of self-control.Ā The unsuccessful family, couple, or organization becomes wrapped up in their own automatic reactions which only keeps the cycle alive. Before long, the house is ablaze.
To stop the cycle, a person needs to focus on him/herself.Ā Paulās words in 1 Corinthians are useful, love ādoesnāt insist on its own wayā¦keeps no record of wrongs.āĀ One, if not all parties, need to focus on what he/she can controlāonly themselves and not the other person.Ā It takes discipline to manage selfāto step back, slow down, and observe not only what the other person is doing but what āhe or sheā is doing.Ā If one can manage or control themselves, one can control their responses.Ā Ā Ā
The human instinct is to fire backāget the jabs in.Ā When a person is in the middle of a reactive situation where one is verbally attacking another or both attacking each other, explaining oneās actions, justifying, or even verbally defending will only add fuel to the fire. Ā Many times, withdrawing and blaming have the same effect.Ā What is needed is to stay engaged, but engage non-anxiously.Ā Here, one needs to introduce thought before acting.Ā Focus on what āIā can do and realize it isnāt about winning or losing.Ā It is about staying connected and the maturity of the relationship.
Jesus was a master at this. He often asked questions, and stayed connected, but did so all while he was aware of his own actions.Ā He knew he couldnāt control another person, but by controlling himself, he could influence others.
Prayer Requests: *Heal those who are sick and protect those who are not. *Comfort those who are grieving and in distress. *Wisdom for our leaders as they navigate through uncertain times. *Guidance for those seeking to find their way. *Continued Growth Inside and Outside the Walls of St. Paul UMC.
āDonāt worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank him for all he has done.ā – Philippians 4:6
